Harry Potter and The Unfortunate Polyjuice Potion
by EternalSenshi
Summary: The trio are trying to produce Polyjuice Potion, only that in the risk of time, Hermione grabs the first hair she can get. Only one person is different...If you're a fan of body switching, you'll enjoy this. Please R
1. Default Chapter

Harry Potter and The Unfortunate Polyjuice Potion  
  
Author Note  
  
Hey y'all! EternalSenshi here! I know, I usually only write Sailor Moon fanfics, but this was a spoof my friends Colleen Lupin and Lexi and I put together at the beginning of the year. Since I am the only one of us with an account on FF.net, it was I who would post. So, after months of ignorance, and cleaning out of my room, I found this. And typed it. And now, posted it.  
  
I hope you all like it. Apparently, the trio is using Polyjuice Potion, and suddenly, well, I'm not going to give the story away!  
  
To those that are reading WYSSYB, I'm not abandoning it. I just had some extra time, and decided to get this up really quickly. So, don't panic, WYSSYB will be up this week.  
  
So, I hope you enjoy reading this, and hope it makes you laugh.  
  
Colleen Lupin: I love you hun! We'll get this finished in no time!  
  
Lexi: Feel better sweetie!  
  
So, on with the show! Courtesy of EternalSenshi, Colleen Lupin and Lexi. 


	2. 1 Things Go Awry

Harry Potter and the Unfortunate Polyjuice Potion Chapter One. By EternalSenshi, Colleen Lupin, and Lexi. We don't own HP (though we do claim that Remus Lupin belongs to us...just kidding). Please R&R  
  
"All right, everyone ready?" Hermionie asked.  
  
"I dunno. I mean, what if I'm stuck looking like...like, wait, who's hair do I have?" Ron asked.  
  
"Oh! Sorry." Harry said, switching Crabbe's hair for Goyle's.  
  
"Right. What if I'm stuck looking like Crabbe for the rest of my life? I don't want to be UGLY! I mean, I like what I look like, I don't want to look like some slug or something like that..."  
  
This continued in vain for several minutes, until Harry hit Ron across the face. Ron fell to the floor.  
  
"Ow! Harry!"  
  
"You're not going to stay Crabbe, okay?" Harry growled.  
  
"If Hermionie did the potion ri-"  
  
"I BEG YOUR PARDON?!" Hermionie burst out. "I happen to be the genius here, not you, Ron Weasley."  
  
"All right, all right, but who's hair do you have?" Ron asked.  
  
Hermionie was flustered. "I...uh, found it on some Slytherine girl's robes in the laundry."  
  
In truth, Hermionie had grabbed a hair on her robe after the Dueling Club.  
  
"But we don't have a laun-" Ron started.  
  
"All right, let's put the hairs in." Hermionie said quickly. She dropped the hair in the potion, which turned a sickly burgundy.  
  
"Uh, wonder if that's Millicent Bullstrode." Harry noted.  
  
"At least it's not a cat." Ron said.  
  
Hermionie laughed shrilly. *It better not be,* she thought.  
  
After the boys added their hairs, the three toasted a dreading-this-moment-cheers, and drank. Hermionie quickly dropped her glass.  
  
"I'm going to be sick." she said, and ran into a stall. She felt a bubbling feeling going through her veins and wanted to scream in pain. *Oh, not good. Not good. Not good at all.* she thought.  
  
Suddenly, it stopped. She felt an itch at her chest. *God, my bra feels loose,* she thought, feeling it slip to the floor. Her skirt also fell to the floor. She looked down at the rumpled fabric and noticed a bulge in her underwear. She stood frozen for a moment as her vision blurred. *I am going to faint,* she thought, then realized she wasn't blacking out.  
  
Taking a deep breath, she squinted at the body part in question and screamed loud enough to shake the foundations of the castle. *Oh my Gods! I have a dick! My boobs are gone and I have a dick!! Besides that, I can't see...and I mean I only know one person this thin...no...oh no...I can't be...*  
  
Pulling a compact mirror out of her skirt pocket, she looked at herself, and screamed again.  
  
"Hermionie, are you okay?" came Harry's voice rapping on her stall.  
  
"Don't you dare come in here!" Hermionie threatened back, clasping her hands over her crotch. *Hmmm...must be a guy reflex...* "Go on without me!*  
  
"Wha-?" Ron's voice rang out. "Look, this was your idea!"  
  
"Hermionie, it's okay, we all look ugly. You are naturally a lot better looking that Millicent Bullstrode." Harry replied.  
  
*Harry...ever the sweet one...okay, got to think fast... "Look, guys, you're wasting your time, plus, it will look weird if we are all together, just go!"  
  
"Okay, come on, Ron." Harry took charge, and they left.  
  
Once Hermionie was sure they were gone, she peeked out of the stall and noticed Harry's glasses lying on a sink. She put them on and everything came into focus, including her reflection. *Wow, Harry has a nice body. I mean, his muscles are a little wiry, but look at these abs. Man, I can't believe the Dursleys did this to him, he is so thin.*  
  
Admiring Hermionie-Harry in nary but his underwear close-by was none other than Moaning Myrtle.  
  
"Oh, Harry, you look like a GOD!" she squealed happily, floating over.  
  
"Myrtle! Ah! Get away from me!!" Hermionie quickly grabbed Harry's discarded robes and put them on, fending off Myrtle with one hand. "It's Hermionie, Myrtle! I took Polyjuice Potion and accidentally added Harry's hair to it!" she offered to the swooning ghost.  
  
"Oh, what a foul trick!" Myrtle sniffed. "But just between us, I think he is gorgeous!"  
  
Hermionie laughed and nodded. *So clumsy on these feet but so graceful in the air...oh Gods! How am I going to explain this?* This was really, really freaky. But, soon it would be an hour spent, and she'd be back to Hermionie -- a GIRL. All she had to do was wait.  
  
***  
  
*Yup, half an hour gone, all I need to do is wait. Any minute.* Hermionie thought happily. *Any minute...but DAMN! How could I not notice that Harry was this hot?*  
  
***  
  
An hour was only two minutes away. Hermionie's happiness turned into nervousness, and she started to sweat. She had to keep pushing Harry's glasses up her nose, and looked at her watch nervously.  
  
*One minute, thirty seconds...one minute....thirty seconds...Why isn't his body turning back into my own?* she thought, sweating profusely. *Ten...nine, eight, seven, six, five, four, three, two, one...*  
  
***  
  
Cliffhanger!! You'll have to read the next chapter to find out what happens!! See ya!  
ES, CL, L. 


	3. 2 Harry goes into a fetal position

Harry Potter and the Unfortunate Polyjuice Potion Chapter 2. By EternalSenshi, Colleen Lupin, and Lexi. We don't own HP. Please R&R. Count how many times we used the word 'dick' and you'll win a prize! (Colleen...)  
  
BTW, thank you so much to Joe, meggie-moo-has-fun, and farleydunlop'04. We love you!  
  
(The real) Harry and Ron burst open the door to the bathroom and called out Hermione's name.  
  
"Come on, Hermione, we have loads to tell you!" Ron cried.  
  
"Uh..." Hermionie stuttered.  
  
Moaning Myrtle came out and laughed dreamily. "Gods, Harry, why didn't you tell me that you looked so good without clothes on?" she swooned.  
  
Ron looked at Harry, bemused, while Harry blushed. "What are you talking about Myrtle?" Harry asked, embarrassed.  
  
"Oh, those abs, and such a cute little butt --"  
  
"MYRTLE! What are you babbling about?" Harry yelled.  
  
"Over here!" she cried with glee, and went to the stall Hermionie was hiding in. "She's in there!" Myrtle said wickedly.  
  
"Oooh, Myrtle, you horrid, horrid ghost! Harry! Ron! Don't come in!" Hermionie cried out, panicked.  
  
"Come on, Hermionie, it can't be that bad. You don't have Milicent Bullstrode's nose or something like that, do you?" Ron said, trying to open the door. Hermionie tried to hold it shut.  
  
"I'm serious, Ron! Don't come in!"  
  
"You're not still her, are you?" Ron said, succeeding in opening the door a crack.  
  
"DON'T YOU DARE!!" she screamed, her voice breaking, and shutting it quickly.  
  
Ron and Harry looked at each other, then Harry said, "Oi, Hermionie, we're not going to laugh."  
  
"You might want to kill me. I don't know why it's not working." Hermionie said pitifully. "By the way, I need your glasses, Harry."  
  
Harry looked at the sink he thought he'd left them at, and noticed a blank spot where they were. "I wondered where they went." he said. "Look, please come out, Hermionie," Harry said kindly.  
  
"Harry, you're being awfully nice, but --- RON!!" Hermionie cried as Ron finally opened the door.  
  
Harry and Ron stood there as Hermionie covered her face. She finally dropped her arm, and Harry and Ron couldn't stop staring.  
  
"Wicked," was all Ron could say.  
  
Harry was beyond shocked. "You're...y...you're ME?"  
  
Hermionie cleared her throat and looked down.  
  
"Wait a minute," Harry received a smack from reality, "you didn't ...um...y'know ... right?"  
  
Hermionie looked at him, confused. "Didn't what?"  
  
"You know...look." Harry muttered, blushing madly.  
  
"Oh -- um --- well, I..." Hermionie blushed, matching Harry exactly.  
  
"Oh my God..." Harry said quietly, traumatized by Hermionie seeing his dick.  
  
Ron burst out laughing. "Oh, I get it. Oh, this is great!"  
  
"No it isn't!" Harry yelled, his voice shaking.  
  
"Sorry Harry, but I didn't really know what -- I mean -- it was." Hermionie muttered.  
  
"DIDN'T KNOW?!"  
  
"Well, for your information, I used to be a girl!!" Hermionie said hotly.  
  
"Oh, Hermionie, do you know how long it is?" Ron called out.  
  
"No, do you?" Hermionie asked.  
  
"RON!!" Harry cried.  
  
"Oh yeah, it's about 5" something, I think --"  
  
Ron never finished his sentence because Harry's thin frame pummeled him to the ground.  
  
"Oi! Hermionie, get off!" Ron cried.  
  
"That's the real Harry, Ron." Hermione said, sniggering.  
  
"Gerrof, Harry!" Ron yelled, trying to shove him off. Suddenly, a thought struck Harry, so he let Ron go.  
  
"Her...Hermionie, you don't still have...have..." Harry said, frightened.  
  
"Have what?"  
  
"Y...y'know..."  
  
"Have what, Harry?" Hermionie said, suspicious.  
  
"Oh, y'know!" Harry burst out.  
  
"Harry, if I can say that you have a dick, then I can say you have boobs." she said angrily.  
  
"All right! Do you still have those...things?" he said, making a gesture about two things in front of him.  
  
"Oh, you're so immature, Harry Potter!!" Hermionie cried. "No, I don't have 'boobs', I HAVE YOUR DICK!!"  
  
"STOP SAYING THAT!!" Harry shouted, his face the color of his Gryffindor badge.  
  
Myrtle was giggling like mad, and they all resolved to gather their things and go.  
  
"It's a good thing I have the cloak," Harry muttered to an invisible Hermionie-Harry.  
  
"This is just so hilarious," Ron laughed.  
  
They entered the common room and steered Hermionie up to their dormitory. Luckily, everyone was sleeping and the other Harry removed 'his' cloak.  
  
"Okay, Ron, I'm going to have to ask you to ask Ginny for all my toiletries in the morning."  
  
"Ah...why me?" Ron yelled.  
  
"SHHHHH!!!"  
  
"Oh, fine!" Ron gave in. As he left, Harry and Hermionie's gazes met.  
  
"You're not going to...like shave my legs, are you?" Harry whispered.  
  
"Who says I can't?"  
  
"NO...no...you just -- you just can't!" Harry sounded close to tears.  
  
"Oh, Harry, come on, this will be fun!"  
  
"NO...no..."  
  
Ron returned with her things, looking disheveled.  
  
"What happened?" Hermionie asked.  
  
"Do you know how long it took me to get up the stairs?!"  
  
"Did you have fun?" Hermionie giggled.  
  
"Oh, shush, you." Ron said sheepishly as he tossed her the bag.  
  
"By the way, Ron...can I sleep with you?"  
  
"What Hermionie?" Ron said, surprised. "Oh, well...I mean, sure if you were in girl form. I mean, I feel that way about you too, but as Harry it would be weird. So yeah, maybe later."  
  
"RON! Not that, I mean, just sleep," Hermionie stuttered. "...you -- you want to...with me? Aw, Ron."  
  
They started hugging and Harry curled up in a fetal position and began to whimper.  
  
"Ahem..." Ron was on fire, and Hermionie-Harry with him.  
  
"Okay, well, let's just go to bed." Hermionie sighed.  
  
As Harry pulled the curtain around his four-poster he watched the most peculiar sight.  
  
Ron and "Harry" were cuddling together...  
  
***  
  
Hope you enjoy it! More soon!  
  
The crew. 


End file.
